Chavs……

 

……They ain’t new!

 

 Alright, so before Michael Carroll won £9.7 million quid on the lottery and spunked it all in on crack, smashed in cars and a mangy horse called ‘ King of Chavs ’ No one had ever heard of a chav, unless you were brought up in Newcastle and the name was actually chava.

 The U.K have been treated to such eyesores of fat birds with pink tracksuits and spotty little cunts with argyle socks, Nike Air Max trainers and Berghaus jackets, zipped up all throughout the summer, since the turn of the millennium, whereas us lucky bastards in Newcastle have been dealing with them since the early 90’s.

 Now being a bit of a loveable rouge as a kid, I can’t call them too bad. Like everything that becomes mainstream though, it has been exaggerated. I’m sure them fucking ‘emo’ s used to be nice people before every cunt with a dark sweater started wearing their mams make-up.

So this rant aint just about the chavas of yesteryear, but also about the chavas of tomorrow.

 

 I’m sure you all know what kind of person I’m talking about here, you’ve all seen them before. What scares me the most is that these people can actually have kids without being screened. I’m not saying that every parent is an ideal role model, but shit, the kid has to have some kind of head start. How can they receive that head start when at seven year old they are still in a fucking buggy with a dummy in their mouths? Sausage roll kids have replaced the old margarine kid from the early 80’s.. You know, that one kid in the street who’s hair was soooo fucking greasy and they just smelled like a butter sandwich?

 Well now, the sausage roll kids, who if you lifted their lazy ass outta the buggy, you’d find a bed of sausage roll pasty and crumbs all over… Fuck the dummies, they’re like 3 quid for 2, whereas you can buy 2 sausage rolls for a quid at Greggs! And just to complete the picture, hows about a bottle of cold tea to wash it down? Come on… that’s not right. Cold tea in a bottle for a 7yr old kid.. fuckin hell.

 

 So the sausage roll, cold tea, 7yr old in buggy thing does top the “I fucking hate chavas because…” table I just made at work, but there’s more. It’s not that fucking simple!

 

 Socks tucked into trakker legs?? Whisky Tango Foxtrot? I’m not sure how to attack that one. I know that it needs attacked, but as I said, being the age I am and from the part of the world that chavas spawned the whole trousers in sock thing wasn’t a part of the chavs ancestry . Sometimes when I used to ride my bike I’d tuck the right leg of my trakkers into my sock to so it didn’t get tangled in the chain, cause to be fair, bicycle clips do make you look like a fucking child pornographer and that ain’t what a chava is all about.

 I also see in the movies when some kids have a trouser leg rolled up un their pants, after asking a friend why I was told that is mainly expressed by black people who are showing they are no longer manacled and no longer and a slave… No offence to the chavas, but if they were enslaved then they’d face a daily beating cause these people are lazy ass mother fuckers.

 

 So, after cancelling out that they aint riding a bike, nor are they a slave (or use) to anyone, I have drawn a blank as to why they feel the need.. I’m just gonna put it down to the fact that their mother was too busy sucking off the bin man that the kids had to dress themselves!

 

 This would also point to the reasoning for Adidas trakker legs and fucking hiking boots…. Have a fucking word!

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