WARNING…..

…….Retards printing warnings!

 

I’m sure everyone has heard of one or two stupid warnings that companies are forced to print on products to cover themselves against lawsuits from complete dribbling spakkas or the down right awkward cunt.

 I’m usually the latter, so to me these ain’t warnings about things being hazardous to my health, but in fact a warning to tell me that they ain’t stupid enough for me to squeeze even a penny outta them.

 

 Now, here in the U.K, the government are undecided on whether or not cancer is a small price to pay for nicotine taxation revenue. Morally, they want to ban smoking, but that would be one of the greatest money earners out of the window. In the UK the standard price (as of today) for a box of 20 smokes is about £5.50. In USD that converts to $10.75.

 I recently quit smoking in March this year which has ended my quest for the biggest ever payout for my family after my demise. The plan was that, since the government started printing health warnings or boxes of cigarettes, I was to use these warnings against them. This one was gonna to be my money maker….

Now the way this has been written, it doesn’t imply a possibility; this is a bold, brash statement. The box is almost telling me that I aint gone get off lightly and it’s very matter of fact. So I figured that when I get all growed up and dead, if I hadn’t died of cancer or even had a cancerous cell in my body, then would begin the greatest lawsuit of all time… well, kinda!

 

 My family would be instructed from the grave, obviously not by a séance, but by a letter, that they must start legal proceedings against B.A.T for false advertising because I didn’t get the so called ‘fatal lung cancer’ that the box advertised; clever, huh?

 So after smoking since I was about 14 (sorry mam!) with no more than a 20 a-day habit costing on average 7 quid over say 50 years (if I died at about 65) then the simple math would show that 7 quid a day equates to about 2.5k a year; over the said 50 years would generate £127750.00 in money spent on trying to contract this fatal cancer I was promised from smoking. £127750.00.  Not to mention matches! And ashtrays and all the other paraphernalia that comes with it!

 

 You see, British & American Tobacco should have taken heed to not only warnings they are instructed to print from the government, but also from those “We ain’t stupid, really” type warnings. He’s a selection of my favourites.. I’ve tried to get images of them all and if you have any images of retarded warnings, please send them to me! Anyhoo, here you go as promised!!

 

• Boot’s Childrens Cough Medicine
  Do not drive a car or run machinery
• Bayer Aspirin
  Do not take if allergic to aspirin

• Nytol Sleep Aid
  Warning: May cause drowsiness

• Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert
  (Printed on bottom of box) “Do not turn upside down!”

• Box of Christmas Lights
  Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only

• Home Depot Treated Lumber
  Do not consume

• Electric Blow Dryer
  Warning: Do not use while sleeping

• Rowenta Iron
  Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.

• McDonald’s Coffee
  Warning – Contents may be hot

• Sainsburys Mineral Water
  Suitable for vegetarians

• Moet White Star Champagne
  Warning: Remove label before placing in microwave (WTF??)

• Batman Costume
  Warning: Cape does not enable user to fly

 

 

 

This isn’t much of a warning, it’s just funny as fuck!

 

And my favourite of all time!!!

 

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